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Oh, joy! Uncle Sam’s about to make it rain Bitcoin, folks!

The U.S. government, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to play crypto trader with the $6.5 billion worth of Bitcoin they seized from Silk Road. Because who better to handle a cutting-edge digital asset than the same folks who still use fax machines, right? Let’s break down this comedy of errors, shall we?

First off, the timing is just chef’s kiss. With a new administration set to take office in a week, promising to HODL all seized Bitcoin as a “permanent national asset,” the current government is rushing to dump their digital gold faster than you can say “market manipulation” as they head out of the door. It’s like watching your grandpa try to sell his vintage baseball cards on eBay before your cool aunt comes to visit.

But wait, there’s more! The Department of Justice, in all its crypto-savvy glory, is concerned about “price volatility.” So naturally, their solution is to dump 69,370 BTC into the market. Because nothing says “stable prices” like a government-sized sell order, am I right?

And let’s not forget the cherry on top: they’re using Coinbase Prime to manage this fire sale. I’m sure the crypto community is thrilled to see their decentralized dream being liquidated through a centralized exchange. Satoshi must be rolling in his digital grave.

But hey, at least we can all sleep soundly knowing that our government is “consistent with the judgment”. Whatever that means. I’m sure the market won’t react at all to this totally normal, not-at-all concerning development.

So, buckle up, crypto enthusiasts! We’re in for a wild ride courtesy of Uncle Sam’s Bitcoin Bonanza. Who needs stable markets when you can have government-induced chaos? It’s the American way, after all.

For more useful insights, check out our Blog Archive and Crypto section.

Sources & Other Information

Watch the free fall in action at CoinMarket Cap.

Full article from Brave New Coin.

Full article from FX Street.